come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
