Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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