you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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