listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
