but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
