you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
