I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
