Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
