hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
