i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
