Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
