the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
