What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
