Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
