Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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