Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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