As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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