I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
