I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize