Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
