oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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