did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
