The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
