I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
