My first STD was from a foam party
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
