Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ketchup is God's man juice
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
