It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
