Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
