did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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