I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
