i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So vagazzling was a success
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
