oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
