i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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