i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
