Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
