don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
