Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
