we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize