I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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