You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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