you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
