I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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