Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
