first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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