I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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