Jerry, you need to find god
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
