Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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