just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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