Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
