Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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