what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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