i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Vodka?
Forever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
