this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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