i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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