Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
