I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
