Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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