Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
