How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
honey bunches of taint.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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