he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
