i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
