I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
